I’ve been working on a new story and it’s reminding me of the days before I met Jon. When I was in high school, a lot of people told me to write a list of qualities I wanted in a future husband. I’m not really sure what the purpose of this was except to maybe have some invisible, unattainable standard floating out there for Jon, but it did give me a lot of things to think about. I’m not sure that I actually USED the list when it came time to decide whether or not I was going to marry Jon, but I really think that there’s more to that decision than just checking things off like a grocery list.
Things like, I don’t know, spark. 🙂 And lots and lots and lots of prayer.
Anyway, I wrote a list in high school. I think I ended up with about 70. And NO – not all of them were qualities. Actually, some of them were fairly ridiculous (drinks coffee, doesn’t play golf, likes animals but not obsessed with them, etc). But most of them were important things – loves me, respects my family, and that we would have fun together.
Sadly, we don’t have any fun together. 🙂
Jon actually met most of the things on the list, though there were a few that he didn’t end up making. When I wrote the list I was very anti-country music, though it’s grown on me. Maybe since I ended up marrying a guy who pretty much only listens to country and KLOVE.
But the big stuff? Like solid Christian, loves kids, hard worker, good teeth and not a morning person?
Check, check, check, check and check.
He is not, however, clean shaven. And he does not like to read.
But I think I can deal with that. 🙂
It’s making me curious! What are your seemingly silly qualities/preferences you want/wanted in a husband?
One of the things that I'd really really really like me future hubby to possess is a love for the Arts. Music, paintings, the opera, the orchestra–all that stuff. I think it's so important to have a lot of the same likes/dislikes and it beats going by yourself!! And he HAS to like kids. I'm going to be an elementary teacher so it's pretty important. =D And, of course, he needs to be a dedicated Believer. That is number one. And pretty eyes. 😀
Oh and you'll never guess who goes to my church. A couple named Ryan and Laurie. And she spells her name just like that too! They have a little boy named Parker and like… four other kids? Yeah, there's a whole passel of 'em.
AND, (it's taken me a long time to figure this out but I finally did) I am just like the character of Ruby in Miss Match. No, seriously. It's uncanny. And my friend is just like Laurie. And she has a Ryan in her life. Whom she tried to set up just. like. Laurie. Creepy, right? o.O Haha, I'm sure you get that a lot: "Oh I'm JUST like one of your characters!" but I thought I'd let ya know. 😉
He doesn't like to read? Anything. So sad since you're an author! Maybe you'll find a great book that will get him to come around 🙂
As a kid I used to say I wanted to marry someone who was good at math so I wouldn't have to pay the bills. (haha)
A couple of my silly preferences now are someone who likes to dance (I'm Hispanic and dancing is in the blood), and someone who doesn't mind vacuuming (because about the only household chore I absolutely hate is vacuuming).
A few years before I met my now-husband, I wrote a list of "qualities" that I wanted in a future spouse as well. I then promptly lost the journal I wrote it in.
About a year after I got married, I found the journal again and saw the list. The way the list matched up to my husband was uncanny, especially considering how specific I was.
God knew what I needed. 🙂
Blue eyes. I have brown eyes so I don't want to stare at a copy of my own for the rest of my life. Fairly good cook (cause I stink at it), is crazy like me, makes me feel protected. Besides all the standards…being a Believer, loving kids, similar interests in some stuff, funny…
Well, since I'm sixteen, I've been lately giving a lot of thought to my list. A very wise, God-loving elderly lady at my church told me that I needed to make a list in order to 1) show what I want and my guy cannot be anything less and 2) to see how God fulfills my wants in my future husband. And of course, to praise Him afterwards.
But right now, the few things on my list is this: that he has to be so in love with God, he has to love me for who I am and have a love for me like "The Notebook" (I'm obsessed with Allie and Noah's love for each other), he has to love kids, love italian food, respect and love my family, make me laugh, is spontaneous sometimes, has to love to read, love for traveling, and has to have blue eyes and brown hair(I love them!).
But I'm so excited for your new book! I'm like waiting for it to get here!
Thanks for being a Christian writer. Without you, I would have thought Christian writing was either boring or an old (like puritan and western) genra. But you've shown me that it can be hilarious and up-to-date. You inspire me to be a Christian writer and someone who's completely in love with God. Thank you for being such an inspiration and allowing God to work through you!
-hannah <3
I found my list after I married my husband and could not believe some of the stuff I wrote on there that he was! I put logical(I married Spock), not emotional(no problems there). I had a strong christian on the top of the list and thankfully that was not a shock to find he was 🙂
I know that 'good cook' and 'adventurous' are on mine. As well as random stuff like: likes to bike ride, gives big hugs, can play a sport, etc. My list is morenof what I like and not a complete perfect mold that my future husband has to fit. God does have that sense of humor…
Haha, my mom made me write a list and one is won't make me move out of Huntsville, doesn't make me watch sports on TV, is taller than me, etc… silly things like that.
My list has a bunch of nonnegotiables like a strong Christian, a good leader, funny, serious, clever, enjoys art and music and literature, thoughtful. I'd also like him to be taller than me (because I'm fairly tall, and it would mess with my idea of headship to look down at my husband). 🙂
I basically want a modern-day Mr. Knightley.
I wanted someone whose last name started with an "A." Kinda silly, I know, but my intials are AAC and I thought it would be really cool if they became AAA.
I wanted someone with brown eyes. I have blue eyes and wanted our children to have some variation.
I wanted him love to read and love to laugh.
Most importantly, I wanted him to love Jesus and love me.
I am waiting for my hunny to propose (any day now!) and he has everything I wanted. EXCEPT for the love of reading. He is an audio book guy.
Thanks Erynn for writing such awesome books. 🙂 It was funny; last November I was reading them and thought, "Mom would really enjoy these." A few weeks ago, my mom mentioned that she was reading great books that I would love!
Aside from the non-negotiable items like being a Christian I really wanted a guy who makes me laugh (and gets my sense of humor) and someone who either likes to read or at least can handle how much I read. I've been blessed with a guy who not only makes my sides hurt from laughing so much but actually thinks I'm funny too! And while we don't always read the same types of books he loves to read as well! Even more amazing are all of the other things that make him into the strong Christian man he is. If I had compiled a list I never would have been able to dream up a guy as wonderful as my husband and best friend! I am TRULY BLESSED!
I remember you writing a post about this list a while back, and it inspired me to make my own. This was before I started dating my now boyfriend. I think the list may have included coffee drinking and liking to read… he, like Jon, does not like to read. He likes coffee, but mostly in the form of a Frappuccino or something else with half a bag of sugar in it. I'm only twenty-one and no where near an expert on relationships, but for all of you who are waiting for your Ryan, I would encourage you to never settle for someone who doesn't love the Lord with their whole heart and who won't be a strong spiritual leader for you. I've seen plenty of friends pick a "Christian" boyfriend because he grew up going to church (and maybe still does) or because he says he believes. But if a guy just defines himself as a Christian and doesn't actually live it out, there's trouble there. Pick someone who will love you sacrificially, commit to you, and most of all who will lead you to the Lord!
I have a list about what I want in a guy, on my ipod that I wrote one day, it has about 10 things on it. The top one is has to be a christian then there are other things like he has to respect my sister Megan she has Down Syndrome so its a big deal with me! Plus a few other things.
My aim this year is stay single but I don't know whether that will happen or not!? I really want to get married young but its all in gods hand at the moment.
I never made "a list," but of course, like all teenage girls my friends & I discussed what we wanted & didn't want in a future husband. I don't remember what I specifically wanted (other than a strong believer), but I do remember that both of us said we would never marry pastors because of the severe scrutiny that pastor's families receive. She specifically didn't want a youth pastor, & I didn't want to marry any pastor or a musician who traveled all the time.
As you can guess, my best friend is married to a youth pastor. God definitely has a sense of humor because I married a worship pastor who has a group that he occasionally goes out on the road with. Now I know how silly my don'ts were because I am married to the best man God could have given me in this life.
Moral to the story: give God your wish list, not your DON'T list. Unless you are willing to let Him show you that your don'ts are the best he things he can give you in this life. 😀
About all I can cook is boxed mac'n'cheese, so "good cook or prefers to eat out" is at the top of my list after all the serious stuff. Oh, and "must love chocolate." And is too picky to say I want him to have green eyes & curly brown hair? 🙂
I made a list when I was sixteen, because even at a young age I wanted to know what kind of guy i wanted to marry. So that I would be able to avoid the ones that I didn't. At the top of my list was a Christian, who loves Jesus more than anything. Some of the not so serious ones were I wanted a guy who could make me laugh, could cook, liked to read, and enjoyed being outdoors.
All that aside, it is God's timing not mine and I am waiting for His best for me, not what I think is best.
My mom encouraged me and my sister do this (: I had someone who could make me laugh, who loves old movies just as much as I do, Christian, loves kids, and loves ministry. I don't remember everything on there because we sealed them up in envolopes and stuck them in our family Bible to be opened on our wedding days. Haha, it'll be interesting to see if they match up with the list!
I said he needs to be a Christian first and foremost, he needs to love AND want kids, he has to have a sense of humor, and be polite and respectful.
I also said that he needs to value my purity. I'm normally not one to go into a discussion on this, but I really want a guy that knows what a gift I'm giving to him by saving myself for marriage.
And one of my selfish "desires" is that he be taller than me. I'm 5'11" and it is SO hard to find a guy that's taller than me… 🙂
I found my "list" the other day…I have yet to meet the guy…but I don't think he needs to be everything and anything on my list, he just needs to be meant for me. God can handle any list, so I handed Him the "list" ages ago. Needless to say, I am ready for Him to send me my man! 🙂
I have my list in my quiet time journal and a lot of it I know I cannot be picky about. For example, must be british or australian…I guess if he can pull off a really good accent is ok though 🙂
But the main things I want in a husband is: Strong Christian (must be a step ahead of me in his walk with God), musically talented, mr. fix it, family guy, loves to have fun, loves kids and dogs, and gets along with my crazy family.
I have yet to find him but I'm only 19 so I have some time. God still has to prepare our hearts, but I'm praying for him 🙂
Can't wait til your next series! I hope to be a christian fiction writer like you one day! 🙂
Molly Rae A
I just told my mom yesterday, "Playing golf is a turn off. Mostly because there is no happy medium. Men usually play it ALL THE TIME or never."
So funny that that was on your list too!
One of my realyl quirky things is wearing skinny ties… I just love them, so I'm instantly attracted to guys that wear them! random.
The most important things for me are some of the things you mentioned, an honest christian man -with a heart for God and ministry, respects my family, wouldn't mind adopting children.
First I'm 14 and LOVE your books! Thanks so much for writing them.
The List: (abridged version)
Definately must be Christian! Taller than me. Can cook (at least ok at it). MUST eat left-overs. (I'm not a big left-over person so someone has to eat them…) Funny! Loves to travel as much as I do! And loves kids! (There's more but those are the big ones.)
There are of course the things that are a MUST, such as being a strong Christian who constantly wants to grow with me spiritually, a family man, etc.
Then there's the fun and somewhat silly ones: loves the outdoors, but can clean up nicely. is better at math than me and can do the bills. loves kids. likes to travel. can cook. will help me clean the house now and again. likes sports (yes, there are some guys that don't.) gives big hugs and always makes me feel loved and protected.